Who did Billy Mays play for?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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