I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
