I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
