smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
