These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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