dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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