I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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