I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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