Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
