I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
