No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
