i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Damn victory sex feels great
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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