I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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