Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize