I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
