My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
