I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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