youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize