Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
