awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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