I think I died a long time ago.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
please don't ironically join a cult
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