is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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