I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
