Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
