the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
