his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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