whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
