Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
