Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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