I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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