I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
