apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
