Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize