I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am one with the molecules
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
