Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What drink are we having for lunch?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
