is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
