I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
