my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize