well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
