I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
worst night to have a conscience
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
