Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
