We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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