i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
