It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize