AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
