Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
should my penis look like a turkey
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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