He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
