is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
