i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
