I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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