if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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