the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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