I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
