Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
