i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
