nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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