Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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