dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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