RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
