That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
