dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize