Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
