I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
