winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
