you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
