I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
