I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
