you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
